Big Boys Don't Cry
by ej8012
Summary: Because, after all, Rolf was a big boy now. Shinon couldn't help but see him as the boy who cried at everything and begged to use a bow, but boys grow up. They change. Sometimes for good or for bad. And sometimes, they don't grow up as long as you want.


**This is going to be the entire relationship between Shinon and Rolf, from the harsh start, to the bitter ending.**

**Also, this is assuming Rolf is 9 years younger then Shinon, Shinon and Boyd are nearly the same age, and Oscar is older then them all. Yeah, my ages are messed up. Deal with it.**

**Just a last warning, languge.**

**Enjoy,**

**ej**

* * *

*Shinon's age: 12. Rolf's age: 3*

Shinon wasn't sure what to make out of the blubbering little toddler in front of him. His huge green eyes and messy green hair gave him an innocent feel, but he did know who was going to get their ass kicked when the other mercenaries got back. Boyd. Shinon glared at the gurgling kid. What's his name? Shinon thought.

"Rolf... Your brothers are so stupid." Shinon couldn't believe he was talking to a stupid little kid. He continued anyway. "You better not grow up to be like them." Rolf gurgled and laughed. Shinon wasn't sure if that was a yes or no or just what babies did.

"Ok, let me correct that. You better not grow up like Boyd. Oscar... He's better, but he's still not that good." Boyd was nothing but a mess, in Shinon's mind. He used a stupid heavy ax and expected everyone to think he was all that because of it. And he had the brain-power of a flea. In fact, the flea was probably smarter then him. Shinon sighed, looking around at the room. It was shared by both Oscar and Boyd and now Rolf.

Oscar wasn't as annoying as his younger brother. He worked hard, and (as far as Shinon could tell) could cook very well for a man. He was also honest, and, while he was so fucking over-protective it was painful- was a good brother.

"You're so lucky." Shinon muttered as he heard the other mercenaries return. He stood up, ready to hear who Gatrie's newest crush was.

At least it would be slightly interesting.

* * *

*Shinon's age: 14. Rolf's age: 5*

Rolf could walk. It was so sudden Shinon couldn't even remember Oscar or Boyd teaching him. It was like, one day, Rolf just could. He followed Oscar around mostly, as Boyd didn't have much time for him, but, to everyone's surprise, he also took to following Shinon around.

Shinon said that it was only because his hair was so long that Rolf wanted to mess with it. Needless to say, nobody believed him, and Rolf didn't even glance at his hair when he asked to get picked up.

"No way kid, go bother Oscar." Shinon muttered, crossing his arms and turning around. He waited to hear Rolf walk off, but didn't hear anything at all. Surprised, Shinon turned around. Rolf's eyes teared up and he looked like he was going to start crying.

"Great... Um, ok fine!" Shinon begrudgingly picked Rolf up, and instantly Rolf stopped tearing up. Shinon admitted it was kind of fun to carry him around. Meanwhile, Rolf loved every moment of it. His green eyes gleamed in the sunlight as he looked around the world from Shinon's perspective.

Well, almost anyway.

* * *

*Shinon: 16. Rolf: 7*

Shinon was taking part in more battles now. He pulled out arrow after arrow, shooting down bandits and warriors, those who would hurt Greil, the man who had taken him in when he was about 10 years old.

The man who was like a father to him.

Shinon pulled back his bow again and shot another man, gritting his teeth as blood splattered all over him.

When it was over, Rolf, Mist, Ike and Rhys were waiting for them to return. Luckily, nobody was hurt badly. Rolf ran over to his brothers.

"Oscar! Boyd! You're back!" He shouted, holding his arms out so he could get a hug. Oscar got off his horse and hugged his brother quickly, not wanting to get blood on Rolf's clothes. Boyd raised an eyebrow at his brother.

"Um, I'm covered in blood! I'd get it all over you." Boyd quickly said. Shinon rolled his eyes at Gatrie.

"He just doesn't want to hug his own brother." Gatrie shrugged and went to wash off with the rest of the mercenaries. Shinon was about to follow when a green-haired boy appeared in front of him.

"Shinon!" Rolf yelled. Was his voice always so annoying? Shinon thought.

"What do you want kid?" Shinon asked. Yes, he was hardly a man, but Rolf was much younger then him anyway.

"A hug!" Rolf replied, holding out his arms. Shinon looked at him like he was crazy.

"Beat it." He muttered, but as he walked past he patted Rolf on the head. "Maybe on day you'll be a real man like me." Rolf nodded and followed Shinon anyway.

* * *

*Shinon: 20. Rolf: 11*

Shinon graoned as he woke up. Since when did his head hurt so much? He thought. Forcing himself awake, he walked out of his tent, pausing only to make sure his clothes were in order and to put his hair up. As soon as he got out of his tent, he was ambushed by his 'stalker' Rolf.

"Good morning Shinon!" The boy said cheerfully. Shinon groaned aloud.

"Nothing is good about mornings Rolf, drop it." Shinon started to walk to the mess hall, but, not to be deterred, Rolf followed, skipping along like it was a nice, warm, spring afternoon.

It was the middle of fall, cold, and the sky was covered in clouds. Shinon wondered how Rolf could be so damn happy all the time.

"Today are you going to go hunting again?" Rolf asked. Shinon never let Rolf go with him on hunting trips, no matter how much the brat pleaded. Not only did Shinon enjoy living (Oscar would have a fit if Shinon brought Rolf with him), but he also knew Rolf would slow him down, get tired, and probably mess the damn thing up.

Shinon shrugged.

"If Oscar wants some fresh meat for dinner." Or if I feel bored, Shinon added to himself.

"Can I come?" Despite being told 'no' every time, Rolf still asked. Shinon stood in line to get his food and Gatrie chuckled.

"Let him come, Oscar's gotta learn that Rolf is growing up." Gatrie told his friend. Shinon gave Gatrie a look that said, 'Stay out of this unless you want to have your ass feathered'. Gatrie shrugged and continued to pick out what he wanted to eat.

Boyd snorted.

"As if he will ever let grass-head fight in a battle." Rolf shouted,

"Hey!" And grew red. It was cute, in a kid-ish way, Shinon thought despite himself.

"I can too fight! I just need to find a weapon that I can use, that's all!" Shinon rolled his eyes as Rolf proclaimed, "One day I'm gonna be the best here!"

* * *

*Shinon: 21. Rolf: 12*

"Will you teach me how to use a bow?" Rolf asked one day.

Shinon stared at the boy.

He should have seen this coming, he though. Rolf always stared when Shinon drew his bow back, when Shinon let the arrow fly, and Rolf's eyes always lit up when the arrow slammed into the target. The only other time Rolf's eyes lit up that much was when he got something like a gift, or when his brothers said he did well in something.

Shinon finally broke into laughter.

"You want me- a master archer- to teach you, a kid, how to use a bow?!!? HA-HA!" Shinon laughed. Rolf pouted and protested.

"Hey! I am not a little kid anymore Uncle Shinon! I know I can use a bow, but you have to show me how!" Rolf's voice seemed especially whiney when he was trying to get his way, Shinon decided.

"No." Rolf's face fell.

"But-"

"No." Rolf's eyes teared up.

"I can-"

"No." Rolf took a few deep breaths, then...

"WAAAAAAAH! WHAAAAA! WAAAH!" Shinon grit his teeth, glaring at Rolf.

"Ok, ok! Shut up so I can think!" For someone who's cries could make anyone go deaf, he shut up surprisingly quickly.

"Will you pleeeease teach me? Puh-leeeease?" Rolf begged. Shinon looked at Rolf carefully.

It was true, he wasn't the annoying five year-old who begged to be held by anything with two legs (although it was mostly Oscar, Boyd, Greil, or Shinon who had to hold him), nor was he the seven year-old who tried to hug everyone even if they were covered in blood.

But he wasn't old enough to see the horrors of war, and Shinon doubted Oscar would let Rolf fight, even if the boy did know how to use a bow.

"Fine. First, we have to find you a bow." Shinon stopepd tlaknig as Rolf tackled him into a hug.

"Thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyou! I know you can count on me Uncle Shinon!" Shinon grimiced.

"The only thing is, you can tell no one or else I stop teaching you." Rolf's big green eyes looked at Shinon.

"I promise!" He said, sounding very serious. Shinon nodded, then added,

"And you can't cry so much. Big boys don't cry." Rolf nodded in earnest, following Shinon as he walked away. Shinon rubbed his forehead. What had he gotten himself into?

* * *

*Shinon: 23. Rolf: 14*

Rolf had grown, Shinon decided. He had grown taller, now he was only a head shorter then Shinon, and nearly as tall as Boyd. He also didn't whine as much, although he still cried a lot and acted extremely unlike his real age.

Shinon blammed it on Oscar.

Either way, he was getting better at using the bow. He always killed when he used the bow in combat, and he always hit close to the center, or on the center, of the targets. But it still wasn't good enough for the master sniper, Shinon.

"Arg! You're too slow!" Shinon yelled, causing Rolf to nearly loose his hold on the bow and nearly drop it. "You need to shoot on insinct, or the enemy has already gotten to you and killed you!" Rolf's bottom lip quivered.

"And what's more, you're grabbing the string all wrong! At this rate, the string will be in pieces much to quickly, and you won't have enough money to fix it!" Rolf's eyes started to tear up.

"And, if you let even one person past you, do you know what's going to happen?" Without waiting for an answer, Shinon pressed on.

"Someone else might die! And you'll definitly die! You're too-" Rolf fell into tears, sobbing and crying, his arms held limply by his side. Shinon would have sworn that Rolf was watering the plants more then the gardner did, at the rate he was crying.

"Snap out of it Rolf! Big boys don't cry!" Rolf sniffed, trying to stop crying. He stopped sobbing, but tears still trickled down his face.

"I am a big boy!" He shouted. Shinon would also have sworn that Rolf had some kind of multi-personality disorder. Shinon crossed his arms, turning his back on Rolf. His own bow hung on his shoulder.

"Then stop crying and shoot faster! If you ever want to become as good as me, you'll have to shoot faster then ever before! And you have to stop this insane amount of sobbing! Its amazingly annoying!" Shinon had several other things to say, but he would be murdered if he taugh Rolf certain words (which include, but are not limited to fuck, shit, ass, bitch, and so on and so forth).

Rolf grit his teeth and started to shoot the set over again as Shinon watched. However, his mentor's mind started to waver.

How long has it been since the first day? Shinon though. When Rolf arrived with his brothers, Shinon didn't know what to expect. He had always been part of the mercenaries, and while Titania had been there longer, he still felt like he really belonged.

The three brothers changed that, but only slightly. They were a real family, looking out for each other, and working honestly, or at least Oscar was. Oscar was kind of like a big-brother to Shinon, making sure he followed the rules, tried to teach him to not curse (and finally settling on him not cursing in front of Rolf, it being far to late for Boyd), and other things Shinon always imagined a big-brother would.

Of course, a big-brother would also use a bow and not care about cursing, but you couldn't have everything.

"Done!" Rolf cried out. His face now had a huge grin on it. Shinon looked at the boy. He was covered in sweat, grime, and yet he was still happy.

"Fine. See you after lunch." Shinon said, getting up and grabbing his quiver. Slinging it over his back, he started to head towards the targets. Rolf looked at the ground and started to kick it with his feet.

"Well... I was wondering if I could go hunting with you!" Rolf asked. Shinon sighed, stopping. He shrugged.

"If you mess up I swear I won't help you for a month!" He called behind him.

Rolf took this for a yes.

* * *

*Shinon: 27. Rolf: 18*

Shinon looked at Rolf carefully. He hadn't started to shave (yet), but he was now just under Shinon's height, seemingly to have a tall-ness even Oscar couldn't beat. It infuriated Boyd to no end that his little brother was so tall.

Oscar thought it came from Shinon, who had become just like Rolf's uncle he never had in so many ways, shapes, and forms.

Not like Oscar would ever tell Shinon that.

"Can we go hunting today, Uncle?" Over the years Rolf's nicknames for Shinon had changed and been added to, and taken away from, but the whole 'Uncle' thing stayed. Shinon shrugged.

"If Oscar lets you." Shinon replied, looking at his young student.

Well, hardly young, Shinon thought as Rolf ran away to go find Oscar. The Rolf Shinon had first known was long gone, having been replaced with a serious, although still emotional despite his age, Rolf.

Shinon wasn't sure if he liked it or not.

After getting Oscar's ok (Shinon wasn't willing to bet his life on Oscar's goodwill, at least when it came to his brother), the two snipers walked into the forest. Shinon quickly picked up a deer's trail, and Rolf followed him, silently. It was more then the old Rolf would have done, Shinon thought. It was after the war, and Shinon thought things were getting boring. While others cherished peace he would have nothing to do with it.

Mankind, he thought to himself as he followed the trail, was made to fight, not to have peace. Easily, the two snipers found themselves in a bunch of bushes, watching a single deer eatting grass. Shinon nearly drew his own bow, before glancing at Rolf.

His eyebrows were ached in concentration, his gaze hard set on the deer. His arms held up his bow, and in one clean motion, Rolf stood up and shot the deer.

Two seconds later, the deer was dead. Just like the old Rolf in a way, Shinon though, looking at Rolf. Rolf blushed, looknig at the ground and kicking the dirt with his shoe.

"I'm sorry Shinon, you probably wanted to shoot it yourself..." Rolf trailed off, looknig at Shinon.

The master sniper shrugged.

"As long as you skin it and carry it back I'll call it even." Rolf grinned and ran over to the deer, with Shinon shaking his head at the boy. No, not a boy. Shinon thought as Rolf started. A man.

Nearly.

* * *

*Shinon: 30. Rolf: 21*

Shinon tried to convince himself that it wasn't because Rolf didn't talk to him much any more. He told himself that it was only because he had started to really become Rolf's uncle (Rolf had lost most of his kid-ish qaulities by now, but still called Shinon his uncle), and that he wasn't jealous or anything.

And by the goddess, he was not feeling envious of anyone whatsoever.

"Where's grass-head?" Boyd asked as the mercenaries sat down to eat. Shinon shrugged.

"Don't know, don't care." He lied. Oscar slid down into the seat next to Boyd.

"He's at _her_ house." Oscar said carefully, looking at Shinon. Shinon's face was a mask. Inside, he was trying to tell himself he wasn't envious of Rolf's first girlfriend whatsoever.

He just missed his shadow, that's all.

*Two months later*

"Are you ok?" Shinon asked in a burst of worry that was most unlike him. Rolf nodded, although it was clear he wasn't. His eyes were red from crying, and every once in a while he would burst into another round of tears.

The two of them were in a forest glade sitting on a log. Shinon had seen Rolf run into the forest, and, the marksman having nothing better to do, had run into the forest after his trainiee.

"No, really Rolf. I'm trying to be nice right now, so suck it up and tell me what the hell happened to you!" Shinon told Rolf, his voice rising. Rolf let out a choked cry.

"...." Shinon thought back at what had happened the last few days. His grip on his bow tightened.

"She didn't dare dump you, did she?" He got his answer when Rolf burst into another round of tears. Shinon jumped to his feet, his eyes smoldering with rage. "Where is she!??! I'll go feather her myself!!!" Shinon shouted. Rolf shook his head sadly.

"No... She... We... It couldn't go on... Sniff.... I'm sorry Shinon, I should stop crying. I'm a big boy after all." Rolf managed a smile as Shinon's gaze softened a bit.

"Yeah... And big boys don't cry y'know." Shinon looked at Rolf carefully. The young man was definitly growing up.

Shinon wasn't sure he liked it.

* * *

*Shinon: 34... Rolf: 25*

"What's wrong Shinon?" Rolf asked as the two shot at targets. Shinon grit his teeth, tightened his grip on the bow, and continued to shoot arrow after arrow in rapid succession. He didn't even blink. Rolf put down his bow and looked carefully at his tutor.

Rolf was older, Shinon knew, and he had lost all of his kid-ish qualities. In fact, he had finally gotten himself a girlfriend. No, Shinon corrected himself as he shot another arrow, a fiance.

"Nothing Rolf. Come on, we have another set of a dozen to shoot before we can call it a night." Shinon made a move to collect his arrows when a hand rested on his shoulder. He turned around, looking at Rolf's big green eyes.

By the goddess, Shinon thought. His eyes were still those big green orbs he had when he was three. Shinon sighed as Rolf said,

"Come on Shinon, I've know you for how long?"

"Too long." Ignoring Shinon, Rolf continued.

"I know something is wrong. You can tell me, I swear I won't tell anyone." No, you would, Shinon thought. You'd tell you're soon-to-be wife that old 'Uncle' Shinon is.... Jealous? Envious? Of Mist? Shinon shook his head.

"I doubt it. Now come on." What words would have caused a younger Rolf to tremble and nearly fall into tears, smiply made Rolf sigh.

"Please? Do I have to use my puppy-dog eyes?" Shinon snorted.

"You're 25 Rolf, people that old don't _have_ puppy-dog eyes." Rolf's silence caused Shinon to look around. The younger man was pouting. Great.

Shinon had to admit, he missed the younger Rolf. Shinon looked at his former student to see him pulling off puppy-dog eyes.

Yes, he really did miss the younger Rolf more then he even wanted to admit.

*Three months later*

"Shinon?"

"Whatda yah want Rolf?" It was late at night and Shinon felt like his head was going to explode. Rolf sighed.

"Are you drunk again?" He asked. Shinon let out a giggle. "Yes, I think you are drunk." Rolf decided. "Come on..." Rolf helped Shinon get onto his feet and led him to his (Shinon's) tent. Once Shinon was lying down he felt much better. "Can you understand what I'm saying?" Rolf asked his mentor (well, Shinon used to be his mentor). Shinon nodded.

"Yeah.... Yer lookin' mighty fine 'Olf, like a kid er 'gain." Shinon told Rolf, his alchol level contributing to the slur of words. Rolf sighed and sat down next to the sniper.

"Mist... She's expecting a child soon." Shinon raised an eyebrow and tried to pat Rolf on the back. Instead he nearly took the man's eye out.

"Thar's mighty fine 'Olf! Might fine..." Shinon giggled again and Rolf sighed.

"I was wondering... Would you be their godfather?" Shinon, if he had been aware of what was going on, would have laughed. Instead, he giggled.

"Me be an odd-father?" Rolf let out a deep breath.

"Come on, you get some sleep. We'll take it over in the morning, ok?" Shinon was now too drunk to care, and Rolf left him in his confused, alchol muddled, thoughts.

* * *

*Shinon: 35... Rolf: 26*

The battle was hard for a bunch of bandits. Sure, they were outnumbered three-to-one, but the mercenaries had faced worse odds then that many times over.

"Watch out!" Soren shouted as a few dragon-riders tried to fly off with Mia, who slashed at their talons. Shinon shot one in the eye, the other became BBQ via elthunder.

Rolf's face was bent in grim determination, his mouth a thin line. Shinon remembered the first time he had been in battle with the boy, although now he was a man.

Rolf had looked like he wanted to pee himself. In all fairness, it was about the same thing Shinon had felt like doing in his first battle.

"Balista!" Titania warned, as the heavy bolts started to fly at them. Shinon cursed and rolled out of the way as one came streaking towards him.

"Since when have bandits have balista?" He muttered, shooting two ax men before they could chop him into bits. Rolf ran over, shooting hurridly.

"Are you ok?" He asked. Shinon nodded and jumped out of the way of a fire spell. He quickly shot an arrow at the opposing fire mage.

"This is no gruop of bandits," he told Rolf. Rolf nodded.

"I was just talking with Oscar, he thinks that we might have been hired into a trap." They both ducked as another fire spell flew over their heads. Shinon grit his teeth.

"Well then, I think we should show them that its fucking hard to kill us!" Shinon pulled back his bow and the arrow flew into the eye-hole of a fully armored lancer. Rolf smiled and they continued to shoot.

"I'm happy that Mist is safe. I don't want her to be troubling herself over battles with... Well y'know." Shinon ignored Rolf as the green-haired man continued. "We were discussing names you know. We both decided on what to name her if she's a girl." Shinon raised an eyebrow.

"As terribly boring this is, don't you think we can wait a while before we talk about baby names?" He asked, taking out several more enemies as they talked. They nearly had won, only a few more....

"Its a trap! Everybody, fall back!" Ike shouted as the twenty or so dragon-riders flew over towards them. Shinon pushed Rolf towards the others.

"Go, I'll be ok!" He shouted over the roars of the beasts. He continued to take shot after shot, but hell, those beats moved fast. Shinon felt one of his shots get messed up as Rolf tried to drag him over by his shoulder.

"What the fuck?" Shinon swore, trying to take another shot. Rolf didn't even budge, although it seemed like Shinon was loosing an inch or so.

"You need to get out of here too, you won't make it if you stay much longer!" Shinon appreciated the thought.

"I'll be fine, now go!" Shinon pulled himself out of Rolf's grasp and flung the man to the ground as a dragon-rider decided to try to pick them off.

"NO!" Someone screamed and suddenly blood was all over Shinon. He took a shot, and it hit.

Rolf hit the ground at abuot 35 miles per hour.

Shinon crawled over, hearing shouts and the clang of steel on steel. The others were trying to get to them. How touching.

"Rolf... NO!" Shinon screamed. Rolf moaned.

"Oh goddess... Shinon...." Rolf grabbed Shinon's hand and Shinon didn't let go. He felt a stinging in his eyes, and wet drops of water started to fall down his face. He was crying.

"Its ok Rolf, you'll be ok...." Shinon murmured, looking at Rolf's twisted body. He must have broken every bone in his body, Shinon thought. Surely Rhys can heal him, right? Rolf let out a soft laugh.

"No I won't... Shinon... Do you remember what I asked you, so long ago?" Shinon thought hurridly, but Rolf continued. "I was wondering if.... You could be my child's godfather...." Rolf coughed up some blood onto Shinon, but Shinon ignored it. His tears hit Rolf's barely moving chest.

"I will Rolf, I swear. I'll be a... A great father... Rolf... No, you can't die..." Rolf smiled weakly.

"I'll be ok... But Shinon.... Big boys don't cry..." Rolf took another breath. His bretahing was harsh and rough.

And then Shinon's tears were falling onto a still, silent chest. A corpse.

* * *

*Two days later*

Shinon didn't come to the funeral. He could have, sure, but at the same time he couldn't. He blammed himself for it all. If he had just retreated like Soren said... If he had shot faster... If Rolf hadn't been such a fucking loyal.... If, if, if, it was killing Shinon from the inside out. Shinon put what he needed to over the headstone.

_Rolf, a dedicated brother, marksman, and a brave warrior._

_Died at age 26._

He kicked a tree and screamed.

"ARG!" He was walking around the forest, which brought back too many memories. "WHY! WHY!" He screamed, falling to his knees. He barely even heard leaves crunching under someone's boot.

"I don't blame you, you know." Oscar said gently, resting a hand on the sniper's shoulder. "It wasn't your fault, or anyone's. It just happened." Shinon didn't even look up. He closed his eyes, trying to block out everything Oscar was saying. If he had... If that had... If Rolf could have... If he could have died instead.

"You're going to kill yourself wishing it hadn't happened you know."

"What if I don't care anymore." Shinon snapped. Oscar sighed, crossing his arms.

"I think we both know you're not going to just kill yourself."

"I highly doubt you know anything about me. And if you're wise, you'll leave me alone before I fucking feather your sorry ass." Shinon shot back. Oscar rolled his eyes and sighed again.

"Shinon.... We both know you care too much for Rolf's final wish for you to do that. Now come on, dinner is more then ready and at this rate Gatrie will have eaten it for you." Oscar placed his hand on Shinon's shoulder again.

"I'm not hungry." Shinon lied. Oscar forced him to his feet, looking at the man.

He seemed tired, beat up, his eyes red and puffy from crying. Oscar closed his eyes, shaking his head.

"Do I have to drag you back to camp?" Shinon shook his head, and they both walked back to camp.

Over Rolf's headstone was a bow and quiver full of arrows. In the quiver was a note.

_Goodbye Rolf. You were the best student a man could ever ask for._

_-Shinon_

* * *

**So...**

**Besides the sad-ish ending, how was it?**

**Heck, how was the entire thing?**

**Just leave a review if you want,**

**ej**


End file.
